It’s a lot right now
And I am not doing all too well. I really wish I could say that things are kinda good, but sadly that would be a lie.
As I’m writing this, I’m on a train back home.1 I’m going to Mother’s cottage out in the woods, where I’ll stay for a week. Alone. Just me and the woods and a lot of wood that needs chopping. It’s sort of a mini-vacation - a palate cleanse of sorts.
And why do I need that? Well…
I’ve left my job
A few months ago I decided to leave my job. Not just that, but the entire industry. I might write about why in more detail later, but let’s just sum it up as it being a place that has a zero chance of making me happy about work.
So, I sold my apartment, moved in with one of my best friends, and resigned. My last day was Friday last week.
I don’t like that it had to happen. I don’t like the things that led up to it. I don’t like the way I acted throughout it. I don’t like how it was handled by the company. I don’t even like the way it ended earlier than was planned, even though that was what I wanted.
The only thing I like about it is that it’s over. But…
Removing something bad isn’t an instant way to feeling better again
And of course I know this, from an unfortunate amount of experience. I don’t have to go to work there anymore, but I’m still exhausted to my very core. That exhaustion takes time and healing before it goes away. Hence, the trip away to get some rest.
A sad thing that’s also exhausting is that because this is big news, it’s practically everything I talk about with people close to me. Everytime I go through what has happened, I have to recall bad things I’ve been through and explain my actions - effectively reliving them, at least a little bit. It sucks, because that’s a problem that’s rooted in getting love and support from people around you, and as such it’s feels entitled and privileged to complain about it.
It doesn’t make it any less exhausting though. It doesn’t lead to rest.
So what can be done to make things better?
Honestly, just giving it time. I’m dealing with it the best I can, and right now I know what I’m going to do short term - chop some wood. There are of course longer term plans as well, but let’s talk about them later.
As for everyone else, the main thing is - as always - to be social with me. I’m a very social creature and social events are one of my bigges sources of joy. Reach out and say hi, schedule a remote video lunch with me, and join whatever silly online events I set up every now and again.
That said, I’ll be fairly unavaialable until March 15th, what with my current lumberjack aspirations.
And are there any good things amidst all this?
Of course there are. 💜
Not everything is doom and gloom! For one thing, I’m now living with one of my closest and dearest friends - Li. Everyday life becomes so much easier when you’re living it with someone you’re so compatible with. And, we’re being like responsible adults and shit by going on morning walks every weekday.
Also, for the past few weeks we’ve been playing video games on Friday evenings on our Discord. We focus on games that work well with remote participation, and especially on games where there’s written dialogue that can be voice acted!2 This gives me life every week, and you should absolutely join our Discord so you can partake next time we do so. You don’t have to voice act - just being there and spectating is the default!
What do I hope for in the next update?
Calm. I hope March lets me cool off, so I don’t feel like my existence is vibrating anymore. Hopefully I can also share something I’ve created. Not sure what, but I really want to create stuff.
I think I’d like to have done a blog post on why there’s been blog radio silence for more than half a decade. That could be fun!
If you’ve made it down here, thanks for reading through my little outpouring. It means a lot. 💜